|Posted by [email protected] on December 18, 2013 at 6:05 PM|
Most litte girls can't wait to grow up. They try on their mom's heels, dress up in pretty dresses, play in pretend, barbie makeup- and pretty much pretend to be little women. By middle school, they're into the dating scene, sneaking and applying makeup in the girl's bathrooms, reading magazines, they're pretty much whizzing through adolescence. Maybe not all girls do this, but I've known quite a few in my lifetime- and I'm only sixteen! However, unlike everyone else, I've always been afraid of growing up because I didn't like the reactions I got when I tried to be a "young lady". As a result of this, I got a litte too comfortable with being a little girl, and pretty much a kid really. I remember wanting to play in makeup in the 3rd grade, following through with my desire, and being laughed at for it. I remember swearing up and down that I was never into guys, or even that I thought they were cute, until...... Well...... Woops, still haven't admitted that one I remember being embarassed to ask my mom for bras. XP I remember balling my eyes out, feeling literally like it was the end of the world when I got my first 9 periods. XD I remember taking 10 minutes pondering over whether or not I should use the word period I remember keeping it from my parents. I remeber recently when my dad said "Oh, she's in a bad mood, it must be her period" and I stopped talking to him for over a month because I wanted him to always see me as a little girl and not know that I had gotten it years ago. Most of all though-
I remember hating wanting to grow up.
Growing up has always been a very, very sensitive subject for me. From makeup to college, periods to having children, hygiene to boys- I've never been open to talking about, nor thinking about, normal things most girls dream about. As a matter of fact, when I was younger and people would tell me they loved me, I would just say "same", haha! This went on until I was 10 years old, and my God mom taught me about the plunge into double digits! I felt like most young women feel like when they turn 18, so I felt that it was only right that I begin to tell people I loved them. Anyway, although I was always more mature than other girls my age, I was always the most innocent, and I was always mistaken as being younger than everyone because of this. As a result, people gave me a hard time when I wanted to do normal things that I felt were me trying to grow up. I felt like they were saying "Look at that five year old girl hanging out with her 12 year old friends trying to wear earrings" even though I too was 12 years old. My family, my friends, really everyone just made it so embarrassing and awkward that I wanted to be a "young lady" and it made me want to stay a little girl forever, which complicated my journey of growing up x 300! Unfortunately, life wasn't willing to let me do that, which led to heart aches, breaks, shatters and messes.At a whopping (or teeny, let a 70 year old tell it!) 16 years old, I still struggle with growing up. I was looking forward to becoming 16 because I thought that it was an age that signifies being older, and I thought I'd have the courage to stand up and face growing up, but I haven't had that kind of experience just yet. Fortunately, God is healing me of this, and hopefully, I'll make it out of this phase okay and open to using terms like "young woman, woman hood, and lady" more often. In the mean time and in between time, He's healing me, and I'll willingly stand still and let Him operate and bring me to His perfect will. So, here's to growing up
What do you think it means to grow up?
@YouAreLoved04 on twitter says..... "[As for] Tweens, growing up would be acting mature and not getting caught up in childish gossip and such... And for teens, I suppose understanding who you are and feeling comfortable and confident in who you are - and standing up for the rights of others, etc." @YouAreLoved04, I couldn't agree more!
What about you? Are you at just the right pace in growing up, do you want to grow up faster, are you a mixture of both like myself, or are you scared of the idea of growing up? Leave a comment below!
Categories: Tiffany's blogs